Have a Laugh: Everyday things redefined

My friend Peck sent me the following "useful humourous definitions" by email, with a note saying some are quite true. I agree. These clever distortions do capture our sentiments on many everyday things. Have a good laugh reviewing them :D

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: Art of transferring info from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Aren't they funny? You like them? Good. Now, smile :)

Why? Because ...

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.