Hello! Who's listening?

Yesterday, in a private coaching session with an apprentice on how to become exceptionally popular and make friends in a social setting, we reviewed a common scenario.

Imagine five friends catching up socially over a coffee. A few have known each other for some time; the others more recently acquianted and inducted into the informal get-together.

Someone starts talking about a pet peeve. He barely finishes what he wants to say. Someone else jumps in with his take on the same subject, believing that he is contributing to the conversation and staying with the flow. Then, another jumps in with her own story. Now, we have three excited people trying to talk at the same time.

The other two, being relatively new to the group or not so adept at speaking up or breaking into an animated conversation, couldn't get a word in. They drift away, find companionship in each other's sense of not quite fitting in, and enter into their own little chat.

Hello, who's listening?

The party ends later and everyone goes home, with dry throats and hollowed hearts.

Now, what if one of the two left out of the conversation, instead of drifting away, listens in closely? He makes a connection with one of the talkers and what he's trying to say. He realizes that there is an interesting story that was unfinished because it was interrupted. So, he speaks up, saying, "Excuse me, just now, what you said about ...., I find that so interesting. Can you please tell me more about that?"

The guy with the unfinished story beams, pleasantly surprised someone was actually listening in to what he had to say, and even wanted to hear the rest of his story. So, he continues with his interrupted story. Now, the polite and interested listener gets the others listening in too.

Do you think this party will end differently?

Do you think there will be at least one person in the party who felt really listened to? And do you think someone in the party of five will leave a good impression of himself on the others and possibly win for himself a deeper bond or friendship than before the evening started out?

The moral of the story? In this world where speaking is over-rated and listening is under-appreciated, it doesn't take much to make a difference and to leave a mark. Let's not worry about speaking up or speaking well so as to impress for the moment. Instead, why not focus on listening well so as to leave a more lasting and favourable impression?