"Listen with Grace, without judgment"

At my weekly coaching session today, I received a powerful lesson that is useful for every day living, from my Coach, delivered through his anointed servant, Pastor Joseph Prince of New Creation Church. I believe you'll find this lesson in listening as useful as I do, be it for the purpose of parenting or for supervising people whom we are responsible for or mentoring our students or apprentices.

The good pastor said that while we may preach and believe in Grace, we may sometimes (or even often) fall short of practising what we preach when dealing with people in our inner circle.

Do we as parents of our children, or seniors/supervisors of our staff, or a leader of our people sometimes lapse into offering advice, offering a way out of a problem, sermonising, lecturing or preaching? When all we needed to do, and should do, was to "listen with Grace and without judgment".

When dealing with children, do we tend to be too quick to advise on the do's and dont's when presented with a problem. Worse, do we try to minimize the emotional hurt or physical pain that they may be going through, in the misguided belief that making light of what they're going through help them overcome a stressful situation.

Why not just listen? And listen with not just ears but also eyes. Yes, look at them, make eye contact, when they're trying to tell you something (good or bad) that's happened to them during the day - don't listen with eyes transfixed on your work or the TV!

Empathize. Don't just know what they feel; feel what they feel. Feel with them what they're feeling. Accept their feelings - do not deny them their feelings e.g. by saying "Oh, you shouldn't feel this way" or "Oh, don't cry. It's not that bad."

Sufferings, pains or hurts of childhood are part and parcel of all that build up character. Do not rob your children of the learning experience by being too quick to go to their rescue or advise them what to do about it. Let the child figure things out; work out what they ought to do about their situations. When we help the children to feel right, we can be confident that they will behave right.

Another area where we should learn to act with Grace is when we're dealing with a misunderstanding. What do we do when there is a misunderstanding and someone gets angry and speak to us out of that anger?

If someone curses you, and you curse them back, there is no grace in that. If someone curses you, and you bless them instead; that's grace! If we were to give back what we think people deserve, that grieves the Holy Spirit. Why not respond by offering undeserved favour? That's Grace defined!

Relevant biblical verses

Ephesians 4:23-32

And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;

And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath.

Neither give place to the devil.

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister to the hearers.

And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Let's Be Blessed by His Word!