At last night’s Monday Night Seminar, a Skills Workshop led by Unicity Director Kelly Lim, we covered the topic “Prospecting: Socializing, Asking Questions & Listening, Getting the Sale”.
Kelly started by inviting participants to rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10 how good we think we are in socializing. A handout was provided for that. After that, for those of us who rated ourselves less than 10, be it 4, 5 or 8, we were asked to list down in the space provided what we think we need to know or get good at to become a 10.
Going around the room, we obtained the following responses.
How do I create these social settings/events? How do I break the ice? How do I be comfortable at social events like a cocktail? How do I socialize with quiet, boring people? How do I draw people to me? How do I approach people without looking like you have a hidden agenda? How to break into a group that is already engaged in a conversation?
We didn’t get around to all the questions, but we got to most of them, directly or indirectly. Please find below the Q&A, based on last night's workshop, with my own additional contributions to the topic.
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Q1: How do I create these social settings/events?
A: Why create your own when you can leverage on events organized by others? Start by riding on events created by others, and readily accepting invitations to socials.
Q2: How do I break the ice?
A: Look around the room. If someone smiles at you - and there is bound to be such people, smile back, walk up to extend a hand, and say Hi. Introduce yourself by name, ask the other party for his or her name, and then move quickly to ask, "What do you do?". Then, stay on the subject - the other person and what he does, and go with the flow. Be ready to offer, in exchange and to ensure a two-way conversation, information on yourself. You are likely to be exchanging name cards very quickly. When doing so, resist the desire to make any pitch. That can come later, after the function. Focus on the other party, and what his/her name card says he/she does.
Q3: I find myself feeling comfortable at certain social events like a cocktail? How do I be comfortable?
A: It is important that we first be comfortable with ourselves – who we are, what we do, what we represent. Worry not about what people might think of us, or how smart (or dumb) we may sound with what we say. Be yourself i.e. be self-assured; not self-conscious. Focus on getting to know people, forget about thinking about what others may think of us. Let the conversations (and unspoken thoughts) not be about us; let it be about "them".
Q4: How do I socialize with quiet, boring people?
A: First, get this straight: Nobody, NOBODY, is ever boring - even less so, those who, like you, make it to a social function. Instead of focusing on yourself, being self-conscious, concentrate on looking out for someone who may be standing in a corner - alone, maybe feeling awkward. Befriend him/her. Say hello, introduce yourself and ask for his/her name in the same breath, then find out what he/she does for a living. From there, again, go with the flow. Who knows, he or she may be so grateful you made the move and help him/her be comfortable.
Q5: How do I draw people to me?
A: Be comfortable, relaxed and friendly; and be ready to be engaged in a conversation, focused on others. Self-assured people attract others; socially-awkward people turn others off.
Q6: How to approach people without looking like you have a hidden agenda?
A: Kelly had a good advice on this. The best way to never be perceived to have a hidden agenda is to not to hide your agenda in the first place!!! Be open about what you are and what you represent; be ready to give out your business cards. Just be careful not to focus on telling people about your card, but on getting them to talk about theirs.
Q7: How to break into a group that is already engaged in a conversation?
A: Do what confident, self-assured people do. Walk right up to the crowd, and say, "Hi, may I please join in?" Then, focus not on drawing attention to yourself or your opinion, but on listening in closely to others. If you must speak, ask "please tell me more"questions.
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As I followed the workshop discussion, last night, I was struck by how the questions and concerns revolved very much around the "Doing" - the “what to do”, and the “how to do”. I thought, How true it is that our Doing will be fine if we first get our "Being" right.
Think about this (and I am borrowing from and paraphrasing my Pastor): The right being will lead to the right doing. (My Pastor says, “The right believing begets the right living.”)
People who feel uncomfortable in social settings or who are socially awkward tend to be self-pre-occupied, overly concerned with what people think of them, what they do and what they represent. They are concerned about whether they are doing or saying the right things, thinking others are standing around and watching, ever ready to pass judgement. That is being self-preoccupied, self-conscious, self-focused.
In a few after-meeting conversations, I floated the idea of our only having to be self-assured, and to be so before we enter into a social setting.
For example, let's be sure that we are comfortable with
1) what we are (e.g. business people building up a personal franchise);
2) what we do (e.g. we sell products or opportunity; we serve customers; we recruit people to do the same and train and support them);
3) what we represent (the Bios Life Slim opportunity, and the best of MLM).
As we enter into a social setting, and engage people in conversations, we should be self-assured enough to let people know who we are by passing out our name cards and very briefly introducing ourselves (don't be shy about that), and then, move on to focus on others - getting hold of their name cards, studying those name cards as we hold them in our hands, asking questions to get to know them and find out about what they do.
Try these ideas the next time you venture into a social function. Keep the focus on others, not yourself, and let's see what happens.
